How to tell someone you have herpes.
It is better to be honest right from the start in developing a new relationship.
This does not mean that one has to tell a potential partner within the first
10 minutes that he or she has herpes! Take your time, get to knw the other
person first. Pretend that you are dating the way they did in the old days.
(Which may have been a good idea all along.) Then, when the time is right,
start talking about yourself. Perhaps you might say something like........
"Well, I don't have any infections which I could pass on to you. I have
had herpes outbreaks before, but I haven't had one for over 12 months. And
usually I can tell ahead of time if I am going to have one."
Use your imagination. Relax. If it is someone you like, and who likes you,
the right time and place to mention it will appear.
It is important that you tell your partner you have herpes before you begin
any sexual activity. For one thing, it is your legal responsibility to do
so. (See legal notes.) This allows your partner to make an informed choice,
and will prevent future misunderstandings. It will also reduce the chance
of future legal action.
If you keep this a secret from your partner
you will run into problems:
1. Not telling is a form of lying. A healthy relationship cannot involve
lying. And living with the lie will contribute to other problems in your relationship.
2. There may be a low risk of you infecting your partner, but there is always
that possibility. If this does happen, and you never told your partner beforehand,
there may be much anger in your partner. This might destroy the relationship,
and cause you to feel a lot of guilt. There are legal ramifications too. But
if you discuss your herpes beforehand (and perhaps have the person concerned
read this) transmission of the virus, if it does happen, will probably be
met with understanding.
A potential partner will appreciate that you have discussed it first. It
shows that you care. If it causes your new acquaintance to say good-by, then
be glad of this! This is not someone who would stand by you when more serious
problems or illnesses occur. Discuss your herpes after trust has been established,
and before you have sexual relations. It will be difficult to discuss after
establishing a sexual relationship, and may cause hard feelings afterwards.
Take time to educate your partner. He or she may have a lot of wrong ideas
about what herpes is really like. Don't say...."I've got some bad news....."
Ask what your partner may know about herpes, and encourage questions. Have
some good literature on herpes to refer to during this discussion, or give
it to him or her to read later.
By taking the time to do this, you will keep your self respect. And the
other person concerned should respect you for this too. If he or she does
not, it is probably best to move on. There are many nice people in the world
who will love you and respect you in spite of your herpes.
To stop herpes outbreaks, CLICK HERE
To go ASK AUNT MARTHA herpes advice column, CLICK
HERE.
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